Regenerations

[d***@fsmail.net]

On the BBC, there is a programme called "Doctor Who". The main character (the Doctor) is an alien (in humanoid form) with a spaceship that looks like a police telephone box. From time to time the actor who is playing him wants to quit and the way round this is the Doctor is killed and 'regenerates'. The process of regeneration means that he completely changes his form and, to some extent, his personality (although he retains some key attributes like being good, disliking violence and liking travelling companions). He retains his memories of his previous forms. So by doing this they can change the actor and give the new actor freedom to play the character in a very different way. The show has run (with some breaks) for 50 years.

A clip of the most recent regeneration is here:

I think I mentioned in a previous post (several months ago) that some of my attitudes have changed and I find it hard to relate to the way I was when I was younger. I was thinking that it is almost like I have regenerated (mentally) twice in my adult life.

My first form was up to the age of about 29. I was quite studious and at first anything was possible. However, I increasingly became dissatisfied that I was socially behind all my peer group and I didn't understand why it wasn't natural to me to behave like them.

Then I discovered Asperger's Syndrome. I think learning about that was like regenerating. I learnt about my strengths and weaknesses. I played to my strengths and tried to develop in areas where I was weak while not worrying that they existed and knowing that they would always exist. I became happier and started branching out and interacting more. By the time of my mid thirties I had joined some groups and had several positions of responsibility.

I think my second "regeneration" was around about the age of 39. Prior to learning about SPD and starting to have doubts as to whether I really had AS or SPD, which is quite important in knowing who you are, I had perhaps a bigger realisation that I do not want a relationship. Many men, when pursuing women, fear rejection. I realised that, in recent years, on the rare occasions I had any interest in a woman, I feared acceptance. From that point on I had had much more mental energy to devote to everything I did because I was no longer ever (privately) bemoaning my single state or thinking about what a relationship might be.

I think what has changed me on each occasion is finding out some hidden knowledge about myself. Once this is known, and accepted, one cannot go back to how one was. What I have tried to do though is use the hidden knowledge to make me a better person.

I think everyone changes over time. Probably having children changes people a lot, although most people I know do not change as much instantly as I would expect them to. In my case, I feel there have been two step-changes and I wonder if that is common? Clearly I did not change immediately overnight, but I think change started happening quite rapidly from the points I have identified.

Dolphinius
(Male, early forties, UK, self-diagnosed AS)

[Stephen Wilson]

Post by d***@fsmail.net
On the BBC, there is a programme called "Doctor Who". The main character
(the Doctor) is an alien (in humanoid form)
with a spaceship that looks like a police telephone box. From time to time
the actor who is playing him wants to quit and
the way round this is the Doctor is killed and 'regenerates'. The process
of regeneration means that he completely changes
his form and, to some extent, his personality (although he retains some key
attributes like being good, disliking violence
and liking travelling companions). He retains his memories of his previous
forms. So by doing this they can change the
actor and give the new actor freedom to play the character in a very
different way. The show has run (with some breaks)
for 50 years.
http://youtu.be/BehwuPQm16A
I think I mentioned in a previous post (several months ago) that some of my
attitudes have changed and I find it hard to
relate to the way I was when I was younger. I was thinking that it is
almost like I have regenerated (mentally) twice in my
adult life.
My first form was up to the age of about 29. I was quite studious and at
first anything was possible. However, I increasingly
became dissatisfied that I was socially behind all my peer group and I
didn't understand why it wasn't natural to me to behave
like them.
Then I discovered Asperger's Syndrome. I think learning about that was like
regenerating. I learnt about my strengths and
weaknesses. I played to my strengths and tried to develop in areas where I
was weak while not worrying that they existed
and knowing that they would always exist. I became happier and started
branching out and interacting more. By the time
of my mid thirties I had joined some groups and had several positions of
responsibility.
I think my second "regeneration" was around about the age of 39. Prior to
learning about SPD and starting to have doubts
as to whether I really had AS or SPD, which is quite important in knowing
who you are, I had perhaps a bigger realisation
that I do not want a relationship. Many men, when pursuing women, fear
rejection. I realised that, in recent years, on the rare
occasions I had any interest in a woman, I feared acceptance. From that
point on I had had much more mental energy to devote
to everything I did because I was no longer ever (privately) bemoaning my
single state or thinking about what a relationship might be.
I think what has changed me on each occasion is finding out some hidden
knowledge about myself. Once this is known, and
accepted, one cannot go back to how one was. What I have tried to do though
is use the hidden knowledge to make me a better person.
I think everyone changes over time. Probably having children changes people
a lot, although most people I know do not change as
much instantly as I would expect them to. In my case, I feel there have
been two step-changes and I wonder if that is common?
Clearly I did not change immediately overnight, but I think change started
happening quite rapidly from the points I have identified.

I'm not sure. I think everyone changes with time to a certain extent, based
mainly on positive or negative life experiences. I don't think most people
are self-aware enough to notice these changes. On the other hand, I don't
know how much it is possible for someone to completely change. Do changes
occur overnight or are they gradual? And are they based on our own knowledge
of ourselves or is it a kind of evolution dependent on how others make us
feel? Is change something we actively choose, is it something forced on us,
or is it just a case of time chipping away at us? Possibly a case of all 3.

I am, by nature, an introvert. I would be quite happy to stay alone, in my
house, with no company. This was true when I was a boy, and it's true now as
an adult. But certain things have changed. Whereas in my earlier years I
struggled to interact with others, I do try to integrate a little now as an
adult. I suppose the main difference is that I can do it on my own terms
now - that I can go out when I choose to, with whom I choose to, whereas in
my schooldays my choices were far more limited. It's still a struggle at
work, as you cannot choose your colleagues and sometimes interactions can be
quite fraught.

Have I regenerated? That's a difficult question to answer. Many of the
things that interested me as a child I have left behind. Others are still
very much with me - even those that you would expect an adult to outgrow -
such as your own reference to Dr Who. I loved that show as a child, and I'm
still very much a fan. Obsessively so - but privately rather than publicly.

Relationships - well still pretty much a mystery and I've never worked out
whether I'm happier with or without one. I think maybe it's the human
condition that we often want what we don't have. Or peer comparison - we
want to feel "normal" in the society within which we live.