Is everyone I know gone?

On Thu, 19 Dec 2013 16:44:47 -0800 (PST), Aquarian Monkey

Post by Aquarian Monkey
Hope not!
Things are going well here (in relative terms, of course!) D is doing well in 3rd grade and R has hit puberty, so you can probably imagine the fun I am having with that!
Anyway, just wanted to stop by to say hi and see if anyone was around to converse with.

Still here, never have much to say these days as the conversations
just don't "fit" me but I read :-)

d***@fsmail.net

2013-12-21 20:41:13 UTC

Still hanging on with my flippertips.

Despite the challenges, are you finding it easier or harder with D and R than when they were younger?

And how are you doing yourself?

Dolphinius
(Male, early forties, UK, self-diagnosed AS)

Aquarian Monkey

2013-12-24 02:02:09 UTC

Post by d***@fsmail.net
Still hanging on with my flippertips.
Despite the challenges, are you finding it easier or harder with D and R than when they were younger?
And how are you doing yourself?

Hi, Catriona! Hey, Dolphinius! Glad to see you are both still around!

Harder or easier? Well, with D it is definitely easier. She is doing really well. She is getting really good grades and the worst thing on her report card is that she "prefers to interact with adults...likes to do things independently instead of in groups," to which my reply is "well...she *is* autistic, after all." Sheesh! Give the kid a break! She still has some social issues, mainly around difficulty modulating her emotions when she is keyed up and with recognizing the intentions of others, but she has friends and is happy. Over all, she is *so* much easier.

R is harder in some ways, easier in others. When he was really young, he was so sensory seeking that he wore me out. He was very difficult to be around. Very intrusive...to the point of being annoying. He is not like that at all anymore. Sure, he gets revved up sometimes, but all you need to do is point it out to him and he stops. Or at least goes in another room until he winds down a bit. He is very kind, sweet, and generous. So in that regard, he is easier. But his level of disorganization is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It makes academics very hard for him, even with what I would consider to be the appropriate amount of support. It doesn't help that he isn't a very motivated learner. He is what I would consider "lazy" academically. Does the very least possible and does not have a thirst for going above and beyond, not even with things that interest him. So, in this regard, he is harder than he was when he was younger. When he was younger, he at least seemed to try in school.

As for me...I hate my job, but have looked for others and cannot find any because the industry I am in is so narrow and at my career-stage, most people expect a fair degree of industry-specific knowledge, so I find I am not able to jump industry lines. I keep trying to win the lottery. :P Then I will retire! Maybe hop across the pond for a visit! LOL!

How are the two of you?

d***@fsmail.net

2013-12-28 23:00:56 UTC

Post by Aquarian Monkey
Hi, Catriona! Hey, Dolphinius! Glad to see you are both still around!

Hi, Aquarian Monkey! Your first four words are really interesting. It gives me the opportunity to ask you what is the difference between a "Hi" and a "Hey"? I had always assumed they were equivalent (just that some people use the former and some use the latter, which I assumed was a largely a European / North American difference). However, you have used both, which I have never seen before. It is almost like "Hi" is the feminine form and "Hey" the masculine form.

Post by Aquarian Monkey
Harder or easier? Well, with D it is definitely easier. She is doing really well. She is getting really good grades and the worst thing on her report card is that she "prefers to interact with adults...likes to do things independently instead of in groups," to which my reply is "well...she *is* autistic, after all."

I much preferred interacting with adults. I remember family parties when I was young. I was comfortable with the adults (talking about all sorts of things), but not with children of roughly my own age. It was easier to know what to do with adults.

Post by Aquarian Monkey
Sheesh! Give the kid a break! She still has some social issues, mainly around difficulty modulating her emotions when she is keyed up and with recognizing the intentions of others, but she has friends and is happy. Over all, she is *so* much easier.

That is good. It sounds like she is in a good position for the future.

Post by Aquarian Monkey
R is harder in some ways, easier in others. When he was really young, he was so sensory seeking that he wore me out. He was very difficult to be around. Very intrusive...to the point of being annoying. He is not like that at all anymore. Sure, he gets revved up sometimes, but all you need to do is point it out to him and he stops. Or at least goes in another room until he winds down a bit. He is very kind, sweet, and generous. So in that regard, he is easier. But his level of disorganization is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It makes academics very hard for him, even with what I would consider to be the appropriate amount of support. It doesn't help that he isn't a very motivated learner. He is what I would consider "lazy" academically. Does the very least possible and does not have a thirst for going above and beyond, not even with things that interest him. So, in this regard, he is harder than he was when he was younger. When he was younger, he at least seemed to try in school.

I am a (mostly) organised person and I find it hard to relate to disorganised people. I can imagine that would be difficult to handle as a parent if you are similar (or even if not and he is just so far different to you).

Given R's behaviours, what sort of jobs do you think he might end up doing when he is older? (I am just wondering if perhaps something developmental other than pure academic learning might be helpful to him in the next few years.)

Post by Aquarian Monkey
As for me...I hate my job, but have looked for others and cannot find any because the industry I am in is so narrow and at my career-stage, most people expect a fair degree of industry-specific knowledge, so I find I am not able to jump industry lines. I keep trying to win the lottery. :P Then I will retire! Maybe hop across the pond for a visit! LOL!

It makes life much more pleasant to have a job one enjoys. Over the last year I have not enjoyed mine as much as I used to, but I think (hope) it is recoverable. The problem is I cannot think what I would rather be doing.

If you ever visit London at a convenient time I would be interested to meet you even if just for a quick cup of tea / coffee in a cafe to say hello.

Post by Aquarian Monkey
How are the two of you?

It has been a really tough year for me. I have been working harder than I ever have (the paid job and some volunteering) and am a bit drained. If my soul and spirit were like a plant, it would be one that has not been watered properly this year and I need to nurture myself a bit better next year.

I would really like to take a career break right now for somewhere between 6-12 months. However, having thought about it quite carefully, there are other reasons why it is not a good idea at the moment.

I was just thinking as I was writing this that I don't have time to do many of the things I want to do. But as I was wondering whether to stop here I surfed the web and found that there are some acting classes in London which are only 2 hours at weekends. I am tempted, especially as there is a 40 minute "taster" in a week's time. I have not acted since I was at primary school and doubt I would be good, but I think I would enjoy trying it and have sometimes wondered if there is a synergy between the acting I have to do in real life and what is normally regarded as acting. For example, would the former help with the latter and could learning how to act for the stage help with the former?

(Has anyone reading this ever acted or tried acting classes? What was it like?)

Dolphinius
(Male, early forties, UK, self-diagnosed AS)

Aquarian Monkey

2014-01-12 23:15:13 UTC

Post by d***@fsmail.net
Hi, Aquarian Monkey! Your first four words are really interesting. It gives me the opportunity to ask you what is the difference between a "Hi" and a "Hey"? I had always assumed they were equivalent (just that some people use the former and some use the latter, which I assumed was a largely a European / North American difference). However, you have used both, which I have never seen before. It is almost like "Hi" is the feminine form and "Hey" the masculine form.

"Hi" and "Hey" are pretty interchangeable for me. Though I tend to use "Hi" with both people I know well and people I don't, I think I only use "hey" with people I feel I know well. It feels too informal to me to use with someone I don't know.

Post by d***@fsmail.net
I am a (mostly) organised person and I find it hard to relate to disorganised people. I can imagine that would be difficult to handle as a parent if you are similar (or even if not and he is just so far different to you).

I am disorganized, too. In some ways it makes it easier because I can relate to him very well, but in other ways it is very hard because it is difficult for me to help him when I have the same shortcomings.

Post by d***@fsmail.net
Given R's behaviours, what sort of jobs do you think he might end up doing when he is older? (I am just wondering if perhaps something developmental other than pure academic learning might be helpful to him in the next few years.)

He wants to be an animal behaviorist or some kind of park/forest ranger. He loves animals way more than he loves people and would like to be a caretaker of them. He initially wanted to be a veterinarian, and I am glad he changed his mind, because the rigors of vet school will surpass what I think is reasonable for him.

Post by d***@fsmail.net
It makes life much more pleasant to have a job one enjoys. Over the last year I have not enjoyed mine as much as I used to, but I think (hope) it is recoverable. The problem is I cannot think what I would rather be doing.

Did something change that made you not like it as much, or do you think you just need a change of scenery?

Post by d***@fsmail.net
If you ever visit London at a convenient time I would be interested to meet you even if just for a quick cup of tea / coffee in a cafe to say hello.

If I ever have plans to visit London, I will ask you when will be a convenient time. I think it would be fun to meet!

Post by d***@fsmail.net
It has been a really tough year for me. I have been working harder than I ever have (the paid job and some volunteering) and am a bit drained. If my soul and spirit were like a plant, it would be one that has not been watered properly this year and I need to nurture myself a bit better next year.

I feel like that plant right now, too. I do not have enough time to do things simply for me. I need to utilize the means I have to recharge myself and I have not been doing that for some time now.

Post by d***@fsmail.net
I would really like to take a career break right now for somewhere between 6-12 months. However, having thought about it quite carefully, there are other reasons why it is not a good idea at the moment.
But as I was wondering whether to stop here I surfed the web and found that there are some acting classes in London which are only 2 hours at weekends. I am tempted, especially as there is a 40 minute "taster" in a week's time. I have not acted since I was at primary school and doubt I would be good, but I think I would enjoy trying it and have sometimes wondered if there is a synergy between the acting I have to do in real life and what is normally regarded as acting. For example, would the former help with the latter and could learning how to act for the stage help with the former?

I acted in high school. I loved it and was told by people in a position to know that I was good, or at least had the potential to be good with the right training. I think the fact that I have studied people so carefully throughout my life, helped me. I bet there are many on the spectrum who find acting easy because of this.

Post by d***@fsmail.net
(Has anyone reading this ever acted or tried acting classes? What was it like?)

As I said, I have, and I liked it. I particularly like constructing a back story for my character, one that is not in the script, so I get to "know" them so I can anticipate how they would think and feel in given situations. I find being on stage as someone else a freeing experience. I can behave in ways that I never would in real life. It was great fun. I think you should give it a try. At worst, you hate it and you quit.

d***@fsmail.net

2014-01-18 19:57:13 UTC

Post by Aquarian Monkey
"Hi" and "Hey" are pretty interchangeable for me. Though I tend to use "Hi" with both people I know well and people I don't, I think I only use "hey" with people I feel I know well. It feels too informal to me to use with someone I don't know.

I feel honoured to be a "hey"! Still, I suppose we have both been posting to ASA for a few years (albeit infrequently).

Post by Aquarian Monkey
I am disorganized, too. In some ways it makes it easier because I can relate to him very well, but in other ways it is very hard because it is difficult for me to help him when I have the same shortcomings.

I can see that. I think it would be more stressful for me if I were a parent of a disorganised child as I am very organised when I have time (though it breaks down a bit when I don't).

Post by Aquarian Monkey
He wants to be an animal behaviorist or some kind of park/forest ranger. He loves animals way more than he loves people and would like to be a caretaker of them. He initially wanted to be a veterinarian, and I am glad he changed his mind, because the rigors of vet school will surpass what I think is reasonable for him.

I am pleased he has a plan. Even though it may well change, it gives him some direction.

Did something change that made you not like it as much, or do you think you just need a change of scenery?

For various reasons (including demanding voluntary work commitments) I didn't devote as much time to it as I needed to do the job well. Then I enjoyed it less. It is a bit of a downwards spiral and the way to reverse it (I think) is to work hard for a bit and get some momentum going. Then I may enjoy it more. However, I have a bit of a conflict here in that I don't want to increase my working hours by too much given the voluntary work I do on top. So I am trying to work more efficiently this year. I had a good first week, but last week started slipping back into bad habits.

I feel that time goes much quicker for me now (in my forties) than it did in my twenties. Maybe it is just that I have more to do now, but I never seem to have enough hours in the day to do everything (including some time for myself).

Post by Aquarian Monkey
If I ever have plans to visit London, I will ask you when will be a convenient time. I think it would be fun to meet!

It would certainly be very interesting. Conversations on ASA are necessarily a little restricted because we are careful about how much personal information we post (e.g. details of our job etc.) and those restrictions would not exist to the same extent in a face-to-face conversation. Also, in terms of conversational compatibility, factors like speed of talking can affect how much you enjoy a conversation, or how easy it is.

Post by Aquarian Monkey
I feel like that plant right now, too. I do not have enough time to do things simply for me. I need to utilize the means I have to recharge myself and I have not been doing that for some time now.

Is that solely because of lack of time or also because you have got into routines?

Post by Aquarian Monkey
I acted in high school. I loved it and was told by people in a position to know that I was good, or at least had the potential to be good with the right training. I think the fact that I have studied people so carefully throughout my life, helped me. I bet there are many on the spectrum who find acting easy because of this.

I think that that would be true to an extent. However, I think there might be certain parts of a role that would be harder to act because of lack of first-hand experience or lack of empathy. (I guess that could be addressed to some extent by preparing for the situation; empathy can often be worked out with enough time even if it does not come naturally.)

Post by Aquarian Monkey
As I said, I have, and I liked it. I particularly like constructing a back story for my character, one that is not in the script, so I get to "know" them so I can anticipate how they would think and feel in given situations. I find being on stage as someone else a freeing experience. I can behave in ways that I never would in real life. It was great fun. I think you should give it a try. At worst, you hate it and you quit.

That is a good way of thinking about it. In the end I didn't go to the acting taster day, but I think they repeat them every few months so I will still consider doing so.

Dolphinius
(Male, early forties, UK, self-diagnosed AS)

Janna

2014-07-01 20:34:55 UTC

I am just popped in today as something made me come look. I should read more often.

-Janna

Aquarian Monkey

2014-10-27 02:07:03 UTC

I am just popped in today as something made me come look. I should read more often.
-Janna

Hi, Janna, Sorry I missed you!

....I miss everyone who used to post here back when I first started. If anyone can point me in the direction where anyone went, I'd be very happy.

Catriona R

2014-10-29 13:47:36 UTC

On Sun, 26 Oct 2014 19:07:03 -0700 (PDT), Aquarian Monkey

I am just popped in today as something made me come look. I should read more often.
-Janna

Hi, Janna, Sorry I missed you!
....I miss everyone who used to post here back when I first started. If anyone can point me in the direction where anyone went, I'd be very happy.

I miss everyone from the old days too, lost touch with most. A few of
us have found each other on Facebook; my account is only visible to
friends of friends so I can't just say friend me direct, but if you
can find Janna there I'm sure she'll put you in touch with the rest of
us - it's not very many, but better than none at all!

Phil W Lee

2014-11-08 20:10:53 UTC

Post by Catriona R
On Sun, 26 Oct 2014 19:07:03 -0700 (PDT), Aquarian Monkey

I am just popped in today as something made me come look. I should read more often.
-Janna

Hi, Janna, Sorry I missed you!
....I miss everyone who used to post here back when I first started. If anyone can point me in the direction where anyone went, I'd be very happy.

I'm still here, but not a facebooker (I did try it, but filtering out
"junk" updates from people that I just wanted to have as contacts
proved to be almost impossible. I don't know if they've learned that
just because you want to be able to get in touch with people doesn't
mean you want to know ever bit of information that they ever post, but
I decided I prefer a medium where I am in control of what I receive,
and I am the user, not the product.
My email address works, and I'd welcome contact from any of the old
crowd I used to interact with on here.
I miss seeing the old crowd on here, even if I didn't usually have
much to say (I'm guessing that applied to a lot of us).

I do have facilities for setting up a mailing list, if anyone is
interested.

Aquarian Monkey

2014-11-09 16:59:10 UTC

Catriona R considered Wed, 29 Oct

Post by Catriona R
On Sun, 26 Oct 2014 19:07:03 -0700 (PDT), Aquarian Monkey

I am just popped in today as something made me come look. I should read more often.
-Janna

Hi, Janna, Sorry I missed you!
....I miss everyone who used to post here back when I first started. If anyone can point me in the direction where anyone went, I'd be very happy.

I'm still here, but not a facebooker (I did try it, but filtering out
"junk" updates from people that I just wanted to have as contacts
proved to be almost impossible. I don't know if they've learned that
just because you want to be able to get in touch with people doesn't
mean you want to know ever bit of information that they ever post, but
I decided I prefer a medium where I am in control of what I receive,
and I am the user, not the product.
My email address works, and I'd welcome contact from any of the old
crowd I used to interact with on here.
I miss seeing the old crowd on here, even if I didn't usually have
much to say (I'm guessing that applied to a lot of us).
I do have facilities for setting up a mailing list, if anyone is
interested.

I'm interested, Phil. And Dolphinius, I would like your email address, if that would be OK. My email address here works, though I don't check it often. I will try to make a point to check it on at least a monthly basis to see if anyone from here has tried to reach out.

I am not a facebooker, either. It is too socially complex for me. I like to keep my social "circles" (for whatever that may mean) segregated. It just makes things way easier. I also have no purpose for knowing what everyone is doing at any given moment, nor do I really care to have anyone know what I am up to all the time. I have logged on to my husband's account before and found people I lost touch with and that was pretty fun, but the day-to-day stuff on FB? Meh...not for me.

Like Dolphinius, if this is my last message, I think those of you who know me from "back in the day" know that I couldn't have done this without you. "This" being parenting my children in a neurodiverse friendly way. You have given me so much insight and I am very grateful for the gift of the collective knowledge you have given. To say that I am blessed to have found you is an understatement. I will always remember this group fondly, and though I do not consider myself to have many true friends IRL, I do count some of you among them, even though we are not in touch.

Can you really believe? D was only 2 when I first posted here. She's 9 now! R is 13 and taller than I am. Time has really flown.

d***@fsmail.net

2014-11-15 21:21:26 UTC

Catriona R considered Wed, 29 Oct

Post by Catriona R
On Sun, 26 Oct 2014 19:07:03 -0700 (PDT), Aquarian Monkey

I am just popped in today as something made me come look. I should read more often.
-Janna

Hi, Janna, Sorry I missed you!
....I miss everyone who used to post here back when I first started. If anyone can point me in the direction where anyone went, I'd be very happy.

I'm still here, but not a facebooker (I did try it, but filtering out
"junk" updates from people that I just wanted to have as contacts
proved to be almost impossible. I don't know if they've learned that
just because you want to be able to get in touch with people doesn't
mean you want to know ever bit of information that they ever post, but
I decided I prefer a medium where I am in control of what I receive,
and I am the user, not the product.
My email address works, and I'd welcome contact from any of the old
crowd I used to interact with on here.
I miss seeing the old crowd on here, even if I didn't usually have
much to say (I'm guessing that applied to a lot of us).
I do have facilities for setting up a mailing list, if anyone is
interested.

I'm interested, Phil. And Dolphinius, I would like your email address, if that would be OK. My email address here works, though I don't check it often. I will try to make a point to check it on at least a monthly basis to see if anyone from here has tried to reach out.
I am not a facebooker, either. It is too socially complex for me. I like to keep my social "circles" (for whatever that may mean) segregated. It just makes things way easier. I also have no purpose for knowing what everyone is doing at any given moment, nor do I really care to have anyone know what I am up to all the time. I have logged on to my husband's account before and found people I lost touch with and that was pretty fun, but the day-to-day stuff on FB? Meh...not for me.
Like Dolphinius, if this is my last message, I think those of you who know me from "back in the day" know that I couldn't have done this without you. "This" being parenting my children in a neurodiverse friendly way. You have given me so much insight and I am very grateful for the gift of the collective knowledge you have given. To say that I am blessed to have found you is an understatement. I will always remember this group fondly, and though I do not consider myself to have many true friends IRL, I do count some of you among them, even though we are not in touch.
Can you really believe? D was only 2 when I first posted here. She's 9 now! R is 13 and taller than I am. Time has really flown.

To Aquarian Monkey: I think I have worked out your e-mail address (it was not displaying in Google Groups) and will e-mail you shortly from one of my e-mail addresses. The e-mail address I use will not include Dolphinius in the e-mail address, but hopefully you will only receive one such e-mail and will know it is from me. If you receive any you are not sure are from me then please post here and I will clarify which one it was by confirming an eight digit code that I shall insert into it.

If you do not receive it then please let me know by posting here.

Dolphinius
(Male, age forties, UK, self-diagnosed AS)

d***@fsmail.net

2014-11-08 07:37:19 UTC