do you ever miss recieving compliments?

[i***@gmail.com]

Years ago, many people would tell me how wonderful I was and how special I was etc... hearing these compliments would really lift my self esteem... I don't hear those types of compliments as much these day, unfortunatly... I suppose it's not a great idea to base one's self esteem on hearing compliments from other people though, so I have to find other ways too raise my self esteem...

[Bob Badour]

Post by i***@gmail.com
Years ago, many people would tell me how wonderful I was and how special I was etc... hearing these compliments would really lift my self esteem... I don't hear those types of compliments as much these day, unfortunatly... I suppose it's not a great idea to base one's self esteem on hearing compliments from other people though, so I have to find other ways too raise my self esteem...

Have you tried complimenting yourself? And others?

[i***@gmail.com]

yes, sometimes...

[Viet Vet]

Post by Bob Badour

Post by i***@gmail.com
Years ago, many people would tell me how wonderful I was and how special
I was etc... hearing these compliments would really lift my self
esteem... I don't hear those types of compliments as much these day,
unfortunatly... I suppose it's not a great idea to base one's self
esteem on hearing compliments from other people though, so I have to
find other ways too raise my self esteem...

Have you tried complimenting yourself? And others?

Do you have Asperger's syndrome? Maybe if you aren't where you'd like to
be, you are at least searching, and apparently making progress.
Best of Luck.

[Autindividual]

Post by i***@gmail.com
Years ago, many people would tell me how wonderful I was and how
special I was etc... hearing these compliments would really lift my
self esteem... I don't hear those types of compliments as much these
day, unfortunatly... I suppose it's not a great idea to base one's
self esteem on hearing compliments from other people though, so I
have to find other ways too raise my self esteem...

I've been in a similar situation, except that the compliments were either
of the 'left-handed' variety, or were simply just too few and far between
when compared to all the criticism for my not being like everyone else. I
suspect your situation is because there is a major "push" for Conformity
nowadays like never before and so the specialness and uniqueness, which
is indeed wonderful, is now being scorned more than complimented...but I
ain't lettin' that stop me ;) - because I Dare to do my own thinking and
to live my own life in any case! Still, it is nice to receive support for
being yourself, isn't it? I sure like it...although I don't dare hold my
breath waiting for it ;)

I even wrote a song about that entitled "Be Who You Are".

[Buzzard]

Post by Autindividual
I've been in a similar situation, except that the compliments were either
of the 'left-handed' variety, or were simply just too few and far between

By 'left-handed' compliments, do you mean the instances where
someone notices your lack of confidence and says something
like "Buck up already dammit, you KNOW you can do this shit". ?

[Phil W Lee]

Post by Buzzard

Post by Autindividual
I've been in a similar situation, except that the compliments were either
of the 'left-handed' variety, or were simply just too few and far between

By 'left-handed' compliments, do you mean the instances where
someone notices your lack of confidence and says something
like "Buck up already dammit, you KNOW you can do this shit". ?

I think it's more along the lines of someone complimenting you on your
juggling skills when you have to make three attempts to catch
something, but just keep batting it up into the air again, or says
that you have great attention to detail when they mean you are being
picky.

[Autindividual]

Post by Phil W Lee
I think it's more along the lines of someone complimenting you on your
juggling skills when you have to make three attempts to catch
something, but just keep batting it up into the air again, or says
that you have great attention to detail when they mean you are being
picky.

To some extent, that would be the case, but the bottom line Motive is that
in just about every instance, it wasn't that I was doing anything bad,
quite the contrary, what I was doing, I was doing well - only some didn't
like that...sometimes even my bosses...definitely NOT a very pleasant
situation.

[Autindividual]

Post by Buzzard
By 'left-handed' compliments, do you mean the instances where
someone notices your lack of confidence and says something
like "Buck up already dammit, you KNOW you can do this shit". ?

No, definitely not like that, because the above would clearly indicate a
vote of confidence in my ability, which I'd be sure to pick up on
instantly. Rather the 'left-handed' 'compliments' were more aimed at
showing disgust that I was doing something that it was wished I could not
do, because what I was doing usually demolished a stereotype and those
who were fond of the Silly stereotype didn't like that.

For example, when I went to work for an audio transformer company, having
an 11 year background in electroacoustics engineering and design, several
of the guys in my department suggested that I should be teaching the
subject instead i.e. instead of working there - I shouldn't be working
there. Then those same characters, upon discovering that I drove an
International Scout 4*4, asked me if I feel "macho" when I'm driving it -
obviously they didn't believe a woman should be involved in a technical
field or drive such a vehicle and so they 'left-handed' 'complimented' me
on it.

[Buzzard]

Post by Autindividual
For example, when I went to work for an audio transformer company, having
an 11 year background in electroacoustics engineering and design, several
of the guys in my department suggested that I should be teaching the
subject instead i.e. instead of working there - I shouldn't be working
there. Then those same characters, upon discovering that I drove an
International Scout 4*4, asked me if I feel "macho" when I'm driving it -
obviously they didn't believe a woman should be involved in a technical
field or drive such a vehicle and so they 'left-handed' 'complimented' me
on it.

EEEeewwwww....

[Autindividual]

Post by Buzzard
EEEeewwwww....

You might say that ;)

[d***@fsmail.net]

Post by i***@gmail.com
Years ago, many people would tell me how wonderful I was and how special I was etc... hearing these compliments would really lift my self esteem... I don't hear those types of compliments as much these day, unfortunatly... I suppose it's not a great idea to base one's self esteem on hearing compliments from other people though, so I have to find other ways too raise my self esteem...

The important thing is to be able to fairly rate yourself. If you know how well or badly you've performed then what other people think is irrelevant.

Dolphinius
(Male, age 40 +/- a few months, UK, self-diagnosed AS)

[Bob Badour]

Post by d***@fsmail.net

Post by i***@gmail.com
Years ago, many people would tell me how wonderful I was and how special I was etc... hearing these compliments would really lift my self esteem... I don't hear those types of compliments as much these day, unfortunatly... I suppose it's not a great idea to base one's self esteem on hearing compliments from other people though, so I have to find other ways too raise my self esteem...

The important thing is to be able to fairly rate yourself. If you know how well or badly you've performed then what other people think is irrelevant.

The problem with that is often cited as Dunning-Kruger

[Aquarian Monkey]

Post by Bob Badour
The problem with that is often cited as Dunning-Kruger

What is Dunning-Kruger? I am not familiar with the term.

I, personally, have always felt uncomfortable with compliments, except when they are "appropriately" worded (appropriate according to *me*) and come from the *right* person (someone who's opinion I value). I think I generally feel more comfortable having my output complimented instead of myself, if that makes sense.

Generally, if you are complimentary toward others in a genuine way, as opposed to an ingratiating one, many will return the favor.

[Bob Badour]

Post by Aquarian Monkey

Post by Bob Badour
The problem with that is often cited as Dunning-Kruger

What is Dunning-Kruger? I am not familiar with the term.

Google is your friend.

Post by Aquarian Monkey
I, personally, have always felt uncomfortable with compliments, except when they are "appropriately" worded (appropriate according to *me*) and come from the *right* person (someone who's opinion I value). I think I generally feel more comfortable having my output complimented instead of myself, if that makes sense.

Yes, that makes sense. Some people do not like to be the center of
attention, yet like to have their contribution valued.

Post by Aquarian Monkey
Generally, if you are complimentary toward others in a genuine way, as opposed to an ingratiating one, many will return the favor.

[Aquarian Monkey]

Post by Bob Badour

Post by Aquarian Monkey

Post by Bob Badour
The problem with that is often cited as Dunning-Kruger

What is Dunning-Kruger? I am not familiar with the term.

Google is your friend.

Yeah, Bob, sometimes I am lazy...I think you have probably already figured that out, my friend. And sometimes I like to listen to your explanation of things. I did google it. I am familiar with it. I still would have liked to log in and hear your explanation! :)

[toto]

Post by i***@gmail.com
Years ago, many people would tell me how wonderful I was
and how special I was etc... hearing these compliments would
really lift my self esteem... I don't hear those types of compliments
as much these day, unfortunatly... I suppose it's not a great idea to base
one's self esteem on hearing compliments from other people though,
so I have to find other ways too raise my self esteem...

Seriously, your self-esteem should be based on what *you* have
accomplished not on what others say. You may need to practice
self-talk

Don't compare yourself to other people. Each of us is unique.
Get rid of negative self-talk (hard to do, but seriously if you are
putting yourself down, it can't help you to feel good about yourself.
You might want to write out some self-affirmations and repeat them to
yourself several times a day.
Make a list of your past accomplishments (they don't have to be big
ones, just things that worked).
Make a list of your positive qualities (again, they can be small, but
they should be things you think are good about yourself).