Childhood memories...

Autindividual

2013-10-05 12:40:01 UTC

I was just wondering how much of your childhood other AC/AS people
can remember?

For myself, a lot, going all the way back to being born, yet so very
little of it could be said to have been pleasant.

This question was prompted by a friend's question "What
were you like as a kid?". This really stumped me, and I realised that
I have very few childhood memories (most memories I do have are the
negative bullying-related ones).

The bullying at school was simply horrendous, and totally needless...and
I still try, with varying degrees of success, not to remember the
miserable details, because I'm bombarded with them to this very day.
Besides, they're easy enough to determine simply by thinking of anything
that could be done to hurt someone, and that's what happened...over and
over until I learned how to more effectively deal with it, but even then,
it didn't go away completely. As for how I actually was as a little kid -
I'm still a big kid today ;) I've always been interested, since the
beginning, in exploring and experimenting, particularly in regards to
those things scientific and technical, and learning as much as I can
about this strange, alien world in which I find myself deposited, so I
can better cope with it. As a little kid, I had, (and still do) what
those of the NT persuasion like to call 'limited interests', actually
Preferences about which I'm Very Passionate, when in reality, all that
means is that I'm a very focused person and always have been since the
beginning, that is, when given the chance to be.

But at school, I was not only bored, but because of my not 'fitting in',
and being Relentlessly Punished for it, I Hated school...so I learned how
to be 'somewhere else' instead. Unfortunately, that got me into more
trouble and I was already into too much simply for just being myself,
because I wasn't like everyone else, even though NOBODY was ever able to
tell me what it was that I was doing that was actually Wrong instead of
just different...leaving the very distinct impression that as far as They
were concerned, just being different is somehow 'wrong'.

She was able to prattle on about how
she used to gather together the young kids in her neighbourhood and
read to them, and many other detailed lucid stories. I thought
perhaps she knew these stories because they'd been told to her by her
family, but she swears that they're from her memory and she remembers
most of her early life.

I've done things like that. My father was an expert storyteller, and I
picked it up too, only I didn't read to anyone, I made the stories as I
went along, and it was never more than a few others involved as I've
never been into socializing, preferring instead, Quality over
quantity...even to this very day.

I guess I feel kind of sad that such a huge part of my life is
missing. Well it was always missing, I've only just realised it.

For myself, a huge part of my life, although not missing, was Cruelly,
Deliberately, and Needlessly RUINED, and I WANT IT BACK!!! I want a 'do-
over'...or at least to in some way Compensate for what happened!
Being different isn't wrong - ABUSING those who are IS!!!

I have fairly good memories of senior highschool, vague memories of
early highschool (I'm 21) and primary school memories are practically
nonexistent. Perhaps there was nothing worth remembering? :)

Pain is so easy to remember that it really doesn't take much effort,
because although it's not worth remembering, the Miserable memories keep
coming back i.e. pain is the Curse that keeps on giving :(
And unfortunately for myself, I clearly remember the trouble from both
elementary and high school - BUMMER!

Incidentally, it was this new friend's honesty that led me to AS
info. I've always known that I was different somehow, but until
recently I was unable to pinpoint what was "wrong" with me.

That's it - nobody can explain what's 'wrong', but that never seems to
prevent the Punishment for it i.e. INJUSTICE!!!

Her non-critical comments regarding my lack of facial expressions,
inability to interpret her non-verbal cues ("Murray, remind me never
to play Pictionary or Charades with you" --hehe) and general
aloofness are what prompted me to look into autism related
conditions.

Same here, except that for me, it was that I perceived, and I'd venture
to say *accurately*, all the hype about autism, and that's what got me to
start looking into information about it, and what I found confirmed what
I believed about it all along, that it's NOTHING more than Coercion to
Force everyone to behave the same i.e. MANIPULATION! I'd learned mimicry
skills from an early age so I can do facial expressions to successfully
'infiltrate' and thus avoid additional Needless trouble - but I can and
do also use them in my own unique way, in my own style, just like my
playing, singing, and songwriting - but then that's being autistic again,
but so what? ;) Me is the only person I know how, or care to be!!!

Perhaps because most of my friends are childhood friends,
they're used to my weirdness and feel no need to comment.

That's why they're friends in the first place, because they've learned to
understand, accept, and respect your Uniqueness, which is only
'weirdness' to those who themselves have problems with understanding,
accepting, and respecting.

My other
newfound uni friends are more like acquaintances and probably
wouldn't want to comment. For some reason I've become close to this
person in a relatively short amount of time and she's among the few
people I'm able to share the real me with.
OK I'll stop rambling now.

That's not rambling - it's just mentioning something which so many get to
take for granted but for those of us who are 'too' different, is a major
event worth mentioning.